Chicago
LINCOLN PARK - LOGAN SQUARE - ROSCOE VILLAGE - RIVER NORTH - HUMBOLDT PARK - BRIDGEPORT - AVONDALE
Getting Around Downtown
Chicago is a huge city, but it's smaller than NYC. It's easier to get around. There are taxis and cabs and ride-share services (now). Most citizens get around via public transportation. The Burbs people take the Metra or have a car. For most, having a car is an extra nuisance. There are trains, busses, and you can walk.
​
I took a boyfriend on a helicopter ride that I paid for, and he freaked out. Apparently, he was afraid of heights, and it was at night. A thunderstorm began. I was enjoying it. A different boyfriend worked for the boat architecture tours - Shoreline, at Navy Pier and downtown. He was going to get his captain's license, but I inspired him and helped to get him in at the Chicago Portfolio School. He had art shows, murals and worked at Chop Shop; because I knew the manager from college who hired him. They were both jealous flakes.
Depaul University
English Creative Writing - Dean's List - Scholarship
The Lincoln Park and Downtown Campuses offer both humanities and hard sciences. The Kellogg Law School is well-known. The school is reputable in the area. I was on the soccer athlete floor and had different benches or groups of friend every year. I was popular and the It Girl on campus. I was the straight A student who had just arrived from Switzerland. We enjoyed the city life while going to school. People don't believe me, because they're jealous and racist. Everyone who was anyone knew me and loved or had a story of one of my personal highlights.
Chicago Portfolio School
Graphic Design Track
I went to design school to pursue and study graphic design. Initially, I wasn't sure if I would pick Art Direction or Graphic Design. We had a good design group of girls and one male. The last quarter, we had our internships. Mhairi and I worked at Killswitch in Pilsen.
​
When we started out, we were horrible, but we dedicated ourselves to our class work and projects. The homework load was very heavy, and we had to make our own product models for a photoshoot in our last quarter for our portfolios. Portfolio Day is the day when local businesses, design studios, and professionals show up to look at our work at our own tables. Some get job offers and some don't.
General Assembly
HTML CSS Coding + Web Development
The cool thing about Chicago is that there are many options for education, networking, and self-development if you seek it out. I wanted to learn more about coding so that I could contribute better to my work team to communicate my designs in their language. That was a digital course.
​
I also went to the physical location to take classes on Google Analytics, SEO, and other nerdy techy offerings. I went to meet-ups about Ruby on Rails, Java, and web design and development. Typically, I like to learn a lot before and during anything that I'm doing to understand and be current. My unpaid intern manifested a job there very quickly. I helped her.
Restaurant Picks
What's crack-a-lackin' Barack? As most of you know, I've been a huge foodie. My friends and I have eaten our way around Chicago, and it's impossible to curate my favorites. My taste always changes, but here are my four go-to staples. Always good.
_edited.jpg)
Midwest Anecdotes
Hi, Rudy Giuliani. Who doesn't love Stouffer's lasagne... If you're into Italian, you gotta check out Rosebud Cafe and Pizano's. Everybody likes Lou Malnati's and Uno. Giordano's is my preferred one. The Michigan fat squares called Jet's Pizza was by the weird store-front with naked mannequins, disco balls, and sterile looking furniture. We weren't sure what that was, but other restaurants started popping up around that time as well.
​
There's a Hotel Felix by the Geoffrey. Hookers and people get killed, like across the street from my high rise apartment. I lived next door to a vegan restaurant, and Michael Cera lived above the Whole Foods. My friend Michael the cash register man told me to read the Bible.
Who saw the gambling Molly movie?
Areas & Hoods
A Free-Spirit In The City Of Danger
Lincoln Park
MILFS + Students
This was the best place to go to college before social media. My Junior year, which was my last year, was the first year of Instagram. I took a Sophomore Seminar class on the Kennedy Assassination. Xander recommended it. I excelled in Creative Writing, Anthropology, and Environmental Science. My teachers admired my work and shared that.
Logan Square
GENTRIFY 2.0
This is the northern-most point of civilization as I know it back in the day of 2013. There's a movie theater, Yogananda Center, Longman & Eagle, and Pharrell's gym. I like Reno Cafe and they play movies in the park. Bodega's, hole in the walls, and an Intelligentsia dot the sidewalks of the triangular center. This is artsier and grungier.
Bridgeport
WHITE SOX
This is where they filmed the show Shameless. I met Joan Cusack on the street of Old Town outside of her shop. She had a purple streak in her hair. I told her that I was a huge fan. On Tuesdays, you can get tickets for $2 at Kaminsky Field. A different ex lived her. We would go to Nana's for brunch, and his roommate worked at the catholic school as a PE teacher. His house was haunted, and a ghost tried to rape me there. He lived next door to his alcoholic aunt and uncle. His sister moved down the block. We broke up after I refused to move in and found girls on his iMessage on the first winter of that year. I was going to watch GIlmore Girls while I worked remotely. I helped him get a new job and a 20k raise. F him.
River North
THE BUSINESS
This is the business and residential space just north of the heart of the Loop. I went to the Chicago Portfolio School when it was above bars on Hubbard. They moved it. We were the last class to enjoy that space. There are clubs, bars, high-rise apartments, businesses, stores, and is the bustling home of Portillo's and what was the Rock N' Roll McDonald's.
Roscoe Village
PAULINA MEAT MARKET
Young families, well-to-do professionals, and college students live in this area. It's a nice and quiet neighborhood in a good location. There are schools, bahn-mi shops, ice cream shops, yoga studios, italian restaurants, starbucks, and feels like Lincoln Park but more eclectic. People have cars and bikes in this area.
Pilsen
LITTLE MEXICO
In the fourth quarter of school before completion and Portfolio Day, I had an internship at Killswitch with my friend Mhairi. Her sister lived in the neighborhood, and I met her and the kids. I babysat them. She got my Dunkin Donuts, because I wouldn't accept payment. Her dad ran for governor in Boston, I believe. We bonded over yoga, Protein Bar, and wellness. She's the one that I saw when we visited San Francisco. Thalia Hall, Dusek's, and Honky Tonk are some of the main attractions in a Mexican predominant neighborhood. I met my intern at a designer resale shop with another ex, because he's a sneaker head and tagger. Who doesn't love street meat at 2am?
Devil In A White City
THE EXIT
As we all know, the muffin man lives on Drury Lane. In Chicago, it's blue or red cooler - the tamale men...
​
My cousin danced in the Dos Equis show - Most Interesting Man In The World Show while I was in college. I met her there, and we went out for coffee or something. I wasn't allowed to go to the actual show, but we always make an effort to see each other.
​
I went to see Waka Flaka Flame with my bestie, Marcy, from high school. We had mushrooms, and I walked down the hallway to behind the scenes We met him right before he went on stage, and we got a quick picture after smiles.
Fitness + Wellness
Lauren's Fitness
+ Holistic Wellness Journey In The Most Dangerous City 13 Years Running...
-
COREPOWER YOGA
-
SOUL CYCLE
-
STUDIO 3
-
MOKSHA YOGA
-
SAT NAM YOGA
-
FLYWHEEL
-
RITUAL HOT YOGA
-
ZEN YOGA GARAGE
​
​
I started yoga and pilates in high school. I had exercise DVDs. I was anorexic. In 8th grade, I had my first glow-up. I lost a lot of trauma weight and got my second round of braces off after oral surgery on four permanent teeth and orthodonist baby teeth removal. My favorite was doing Tae-Bo in the boat garage. I was also vegetarian in high school. That all changed in college...
​
I started playing sports in kindergarten after I chose soccer over dancing. I tried dancing as a toddler in tiara in Delaware, but I had bloody noses. They molested and raped me. I only did the dress rehearsal. I hated being sexualized as a child.
​
I played soccer, basketball, softball, swimming, and volleyball - all competitive and elite. I went to championships, county, was a starter, AAU, and club teams with private trainers. In high school I was varsity sophomore year and recruited to soccer from volleyball after freshman year. I would out three times a day, was vegetarian, and walked up over 100 stairs everyday to the bus to high school.
​
In college, I started going to Corepower Yoga by the Lincoln Park campus. The gym - the Ray Meyer - had fitness classes, gyms, and workout equipment with a cafe. As I got older and moved around more, I began to deepen my yoga practice and interest in the philosophy or deeper meanings of the chakras and spiritual teachings. I also would go to spin class for cardio.
​
People bike all over the city. I don't, but I've Divvy-ed before.
​
I walked a lot in Chicago. I'd walk everywhere, pretty much. The CTA is the train system, and we had metro passes from school. I've met friends in yoga studios and classes and have introduced friends and family members to yoga. Everyone gets hooked after three classes if they were athletic in high school. There's no feeling like it. It's completely holistic - mind, body, and spirit. I've also been to Navy Pier yoga and have worked out all over the city. People aren't weird about it there. Everyone is fit and works out. The ones that don't are weird, fat, losers.
​
The fitness community is also tight-knit and a way of life. Hot people have to stick together, because it's a dangerous city. The fact that the yoga studios create a safe space for health and wellness in Chicago is amazing. I've been to Kirtan, Kundalini Yoga Classes, Shaman Seminars, and healing ceremonies.
​
The sexual, sensual, and physical energy is sacred. That's why perverts are watched and removed. The people that go there have enough emotional intelligence to fit in. It's very clear when the vibe is off. Corepower is predominantly female. It's weird when men or creepy girls are in the class. We can all feel that the energy is off. That's not the vibe.
​
I worked for a digital fitness concierge app called Lulafit in its genesis and inception. I was the graphic designer who created the monthly marketing materials - email newsletters, high-rise fitness event posters and flyers, social media posts, and more. I was their graphic designer on retainer. I had met their operations manager at a women in design breakfast at The Virgin Hotel. We were women of color and the owner was blonde. She referred her husband to work with me on a private project at his financial consultancy firm.
​
There are walking trails, bridges, marathons, Iron Man races, and many other fitness-based events in the city. Unfortunately, in Florida and in the South, women who are in the fitness industry are also into porn, prostitution, and modeling or come from that. There isn't pure energy in wellness and fitness here. That's a shame and a reflection of the culture and lack of respect for women. Traditionally, the bodybuilders and beach body girls in Florida are the Girls Gone Wild. People here like to lie and pretend for attention and money.
​
I completed by 200-hr Yoga Teacher Training at the Yoga Shack. I had gone to classes with Kelly and designer her branding and business for her before Co-Vid. My favorite moment was when I asked for a sign if I should do the training program and saw a double rainbow on the way home. Synchronicity.
​
I've dealt with racism, ageism, sexism, and abandonment from the yoga community here. They just use me to become famous, get attention on social media, branding, and are jealous of me. I help them with all of that, and they give nothing back of value. Holly was the best, but she had her own stuff...
​
I got my Reiki Master certification at Wild Ginger Apothecary. My friend from class and I were less than impressed. It wasn't really ethical. It was not thorough. My Reiki Teacher in Chicago lived on the next block over. She was in her 60s, and was a clinical psychologist. She was Greek and was very thorough and Science-based. Her Reiki Lineage of teachers were also very prestigious and well-respected. She was meticulous and wanted to make sure that we all absorbed and understood the information. It was an intensive and packed day of video presentations, practical application, group and individual healing, and technical quizzes and tests in order to pass.
​
She had higher standards. You could tell that she knew her stuff. She healed my friend's thyroid problem by healing her throat chakra. She was able to go off of her medicine. I've also healed people and myself, and Cali with miraculous effects and results. We also learned about vibrational healing.
​
​
​
Local Landmarks
There are many more cultural and historical landmarks, but these are some of my favorite of the big tourist attractions. The Art Institute of Chicago and many of the other places offer February local deals and discounts.
LOFTS - CLUBS - HOUSE PARTIES
Socialites & The Night Life Industry
How ya doin' Maestro's?
Every weekend and earlier, people go out downtown in River North for the nightlife offerings. There are clubs, bars, restaurants, and more downtown and elsewhere. My bestie was industry, so she had a fashion night every Thursday in college, open bar - Grey Goose. We were a dynamic duo. If we weren't clubbing, we'd go to a show at a venue or just bar hop. The best thing about Chicago is the variance of seasons. Rooftop bars and outdoor festivals are the summer offerings that everyone frequents. It's a small city after awhile...
Other Places & Tour-ish
How's it hangin' Michelle?
​
While I was in the city, not the burbs, I moved around a lot. I've lived in a bunch of the neighborhoods. Each one has a different feel with different kinds of people and looks.
The Cubs
Wrigleyville
Everyone knows the Cubby Bear and the Taco Bell is in Wrigley. Tom Petty played there. My family went to a game with family friends. Linda and I got frozen margaritas, and those were really strong.
​
College kids and blue collar people live and work here and people who just got there and don't know anyone, because they feel like that's familiar.
Ukrainian Village
West Town
West Town and Ukrainian Village neighbor each other and has hip and tasty offerings. The hipsters, young professionals, and artists live in this area. There are neighborhood bars, pubs, and restaurants next to coffee shops and boutiques. I worked in this area after college at Dream Dinners. Jodi and I would go to West Town Bakery for monthly social media content meetings.
Downtown
South Loop
The South Loop is hectic. You can take different trains or busses to this area. They started building up that area after college. I had a friend that I met in a coding workshop who lived there. Marin was from Washington and worked as a consultant. She would host brunch. and we would go out occasionally. She's Japanese and referred a client that lived in her building to me.
Blue Line
Wicker Park
Wicker Park is a bustling, artistic neighborhood with very in-the-scene entrepreneurs, freelancers, blue and white collar workers, and serves as the area where everyone mixes safely, enough. The streets interexchange at the train station by the triangular intersection. There is an impressive Walgreens and a bank turned hotel with a rooftop pool. Crocodile Lounge. La Colombe.
Randolph St.
West Loop
Who doesn't love the West Loop if you're a foodie, Au Cheval, Green St. Meats, SOHO House, Girl & The Goat, and the International McDonald's are there. This is the upscale area with loft apartments. The designers, models, and cool people live and socialize here. There's markets, festivals, and design events. I worked at a design studio here. That Corepower Yoga studio is cool.
Latin Kings
Avondale
An ex lived there. He thought it would be the next Logan Square. I wasn't sold, because it's a trek out there on public transportation. There is a heavy Mexican presence with an industrial feel. You'll see Latin Kings graffiti on the buildings by the exits to the highway. Joong Boo is closer to Logan Square. There are also breweries and mom and pop shops with latin offerings and dishes.
Summer Time Chi
+ Winter Blues
Ice storms, snow days + frozen lank
What's shakin' Lightfoot...
​
The Windy City is named for the political climate and breezy methods of running the central city. Lake Michigan is by Lake Shore Drive. The Mag Mile is the iconic shopping street with all of the big brands, new, expensive, foreign, and expected white box and brick and mortar staples. Water Tower Mall has a Lego and American Girl Doll Store. Chicago is often overlooked in comparison to NYC and LA. That's kind of its magic and appeal.
​
I mean it's not like they didn't have a World Fair Expo here in the roaring 20s... right?
​
Every year on St. Paddy's Day, they dye the Chicago River green. It's a huge deal and all of the Irish Pubs and bars in River North and Lincoln Park are packed, rowdy, and full of green beer galore.
​​
Seasonal Depression is also an annual phenomena when the city goes quiet, cold, and dark. People stay inside, drink a lot, and eat cheese in cozy bars or at home or have house parties to keep warm.
Old Town
CABRINI GREEN
Old Town is a mix of new and old. There are now nice homes, townhomes and apartments with all of the new stores and mom and pop shop restaurants. Cabrini Green is the dangerous neighborhood. It's not recommended to walk through at any time but especially at night. My bestie lived with her brother and fiancee. An ex's parents lived there as well. They had been through the gentrificiation period. There's a fly-fishing shop, Orso's, and a Soul Cycle. Benchmark and Plum Market are the basic bitch staples for the Potbelly crowd. It's a nice area with the Improv Comedy Theater.
Uptown
ANDERSONVILLE
My friend moved to Uptown after I moved to Humboldt Park above Space Oddities. I lived on the cutest block with C.C. Ferns and Spinning Jenny across the street along with The California Clipper. Cafe Marie Jeanne was the French spot on the corner underneath. There was a great plant store down the street, and a chicken shop and coop by the bus stop. I think a lot of it closed after I left. That's how you know it's - not safe or not going to grow and thrive. I went to yoga at the Corepower there. We got Thai food and that was our last meeting before my ex and I drove back down south to Florida.
Lake Michigan
LSD + THE BEACH
This is the lake where they dump the losers, like my "uncles". First of all, I'm adopted. Second of all, they're poor failures that are incestuous to their daughters and are so thirsty for attention; because I'm more intelligent, successful, and regal than them. I've always been popular, classy, and magnetic. Their daughters are desperate prostitutes that lie and work for the cartels, gangs, and their father's connections, because they can't make it anywhere. I'd love for Chicago to dump all of them there, so they can sleep with the fishes - exactly where they belong - with their families.
Music Festivals + Venues
As a Blue Demon Cum Laude Alumnus, I, obviously, went to the annual DePaul FEST. One year Ludacris was playing in the quad. We didn't go. We walked by freshman year. Sophomore year, I went with a group of homies - Jason, Spencer, George, Jimmy, Eric, Stephen, etc. and so on. They (and not me) brought a gallon Ziploc bag full of jays. We made eye contact, and Jason is aggressive so he threw a bunch on the stage for Wiz Khalifa.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
The Culture
Chicago is a mixed blend of fresh energies from the old and the new. It's not like the suburb or the county at all. It's more a game of respect. Who can be the best and the wisest to make it and stay with their head above water. You have to be hot, interesting, loyal, and trustworthy. Fools and idiots don't last or make it in Chicago. Those will go to lesser cities or the coasts to do sex work or exploit their bodies for money. Chicago has a soul and a heart, unlike the other cities. LINK and EBT are tied to the Indian Reservations. That's the real trap.
The Mood
The city is bustling and people keep it real. They're not about the bullshit, but people will be nice, cordial, and welcoming if you're worthy, unique, interesting, or cool. That's why burbs and rural people rarely make it there. You have to be solid or well-connected and protected to last.
The Vibe
The people are more traditional and are less attention seeking in those types of ways. That's why those types of people move to those types of cities even if they "represent" that city for "whatever reasons"... Each neighborhood and area have a different bath of people and the socioeconomic classes are separated so that everyone can have a space that feels like home. A lot of people are from other places, so your friends become like your family. The people you work with tend to linger as followers, so it's a close-knit feel if you're important.
The Energy
The Windy City is always moving at a steady pace. People rush and have city walks, but I prefer the crispier energy than the hazy grime of NYC. That's just a personal preference. Whatever you could want, it's somewhere there. You just have to follow the vibe.
Join A Patreon Membership Tier